The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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