how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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