I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
