drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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