um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
