dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
