It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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