what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
