when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
are you so shy because you have an std?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize