If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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