She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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