I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
