someone get that fucking seahorse.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
