dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
