erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
sarcasm needs its own font
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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