Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
