I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
