My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
How naked do you want me to be?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
