Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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