1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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