i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
