I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I see more hoeing in ur future
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
