the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
