she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
