you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
