you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
