Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
What a dumb baby whore.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
