we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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