Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
