Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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