And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
