you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
why do cheetos always look like penises
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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