why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
