She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
