also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
