Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
