hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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