at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
