dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
