Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
