My nipple is on Facebook.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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