mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I forget how to act sober
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
