I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
