Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize