Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I looked at my own cervix.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
