we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
