i'm signing you up for texting rehab
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
