The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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