If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
