You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
