It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
