i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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