We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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