And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
