im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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