I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
