So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
