it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
