The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
