I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
