i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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