I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
