There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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