i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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