So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
