i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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