I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
