I just threw up on my dentist
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
