Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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