do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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