Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He? As in you personified your dick?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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