Sacagawea was the original milf.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize