Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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