I hate your face
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
