Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
