im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
