Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
