I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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