I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
