and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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