I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
