She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
