he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
A bitchslap is in order.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
please don't ironically join a cult
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