Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
