North Korea, Best Korea!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
