he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
