Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
