At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
