You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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