so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
