So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
