i just google imaged poop.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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