i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
