Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
