It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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