69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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