MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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