I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
