We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
