like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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