I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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