she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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