it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
