Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
