You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
