thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
