Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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