Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
